Мой подсолнечника
by Ghostwriteres13
Summary: Latvia dislikes, no hates, Russia. At least thats what he thought until he comes across Russias journal. He suddenly learns more about Russia, more than he wanted and he finds himself falling in love with him. But he hates him? Right? COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.**

**Warnings: Swearing, Mention of Torture**

**Rating: M (Im a little paranoid)**

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia was tired from working all day. He had cleaned most of the bedrooms and he just had to clean his master Russias. He slowly entered and looked around for any sign of the giant that scared Latvia so much. Latvia found that the room, dirty as it was, had no occupants at the present moment. Latvia sighed in relief and started to clean up. He grumbled under his breath about how Mr. Russia never picked up after himself.

Latvia picked up a pair of boxers and sighed again. He threw them in the dirty clothes hamper that was never used. He felt a slight blush as he handled his masters boxers but he ignored this and continued cleaning. He started dusting the large bookshelf and the books on it. He frowned and looked at the dusty binds. He could tell which books Russia handled more by their lack of dust. журнал...that caught Latvia's attention. What possibly could Russia write about in a journal?

Latvia was about to get it when loud footsteps came closer to the door and Latvia squeked jumping from the stool as Russia came in the door. "Oh...Мой подсолнечника!" Russia grinned. Latvia shivered at the words. He wasnt too sure what Russia was saying but it didnt sound like anything Latvia wanted to be called. Especially by the large Russian.

"S-sorry sir! I was just cleaning!" Latvia said and quickly gathered his things and left. "Nolāpīts..." He said in his native tongue. He was going to go back sometime and find out what was in that journal, he promised. Perhaps if he could find a weakness in Russias cold ice wall he could break it down. Perhaps...Latvia bit his lip thinking.

_**Russias POV**_

Russia opened his door to find the littlest of his Baltics cleaning his bookshelf. "Oh...Мой подсолнечника." He smiled. _My Sunflower._ He was a little hurt when Latvia rushed past him. He wanted to talk to him but Russia knew that he would just cause more fear in the smaller nation. _Why does everyone seem so scared? I dont like it..._He whined in his head like a small child. Perhaps that was his problem... Russia sat on his large bed and looked over at the bookshelf. He frowned seeing his journal a bit out of place. He got up and opened it looking it over. He sat on his bed and read a random entry.

_10-3_

_It seems that Мой подсолнечника_ _is sporting some bruises from last nights activites...he bruises so easily...I only hit him a few times. He seems to be avoiding me now, except when bringing me my tea. I tried to talk to him but he flinched away and I lost my temper again. I mean only well...but...perhaps he still doesnt understand that I care very much for him...more than the others..._

Russia frowned remembering that day. What had Latvia done to make him mad enough to beat the boy? No...he didnt beat him...thats right he had tied the poor Latvian to the bed and spent hours with him trying to make him say something...what was it? Russia knew that Latvia didnt give in, and Russia fell asleep trying to think of what it was.

_**Estonias POV**_

"Are you sure this is safe?" Estonia mumbled to Lithuania who just shrugged. Latvia was too scared to do this on his own. Estonia pushed his glasses up and tip toed into Russias room. The large mans snores filled the room and Estonia sighed. What was he worried about? The Russian was in a deep sleep. Lithuania still whimpered as he approached the Russian. He saw the object that Latvia talked about and Estonia frowned. Russia really kept a journal? He gently took the book and escaped without a single noise. He closed the door gently and the two ran to Latvia.

**Whats in the journal? How does Russia feel about Latvia? Everything will be awnsered soon! Please review? I love reviews they make me happy, and I keep writing that way.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Warnings: Mentions of torture and Yaoi, Swearing**

**Rating: M**

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia waited for the others to join him. They came running down the hall to him and he grabbed the journal. "Yes..." He looked at them."You want to read it with me?" Estonia and Lithuania nodded eagerly. Latvia let out a long sigh and opened it to a random page.

_3-18_

_Today Мой маленький подсолнечник_ _spilled tea on the floor. He was so cute as he blushed apologizing. I wanted to make him mine right there, but I held myself back. I must wait until he is stronger. But it is very hard to wait, as my sisters know Im not the patient type, especially with Мой маленький подсолнечник. _

Latvia froze. "Wh-whos his little sunflower?" He asked a little scared. Estonia and Lithuania looked at each other and shrugged although they had heard Russia call Latvia that before. Latvia turned to another random page.

_4-1_

_Мой маленький подсолнечник...how can I keep this up? He doesnt even see me watching him...my little Latvian...his skin is so smooth, I often find my self thinking about what it would be like to cut it...I want to tie him up and mark my name into his soft chest and stomach. But Im afraid I might break him...Hes so small...Im too big for him...I know it._

Latvia dropped the journal and gasped. "What..." He shook in fear. "What does he mean by that?" He tried to hold back tears. Estonia and Lithuania heard Russia holler for them and they ran to see what he wanted leaving Latvia alone with the journal.

He grabbed it and ran upstairs to his room. He hid it under the bed and let out a sigh of relief. Latvia would read more later...

Later in the evening, after Russia drank his evening bottle of Vodka and passed out in his bed. Latvia finished his chores and snuck back upstairs, he had to find something that could make him able to leave. He opened to the first page and read.

_12-8_

_Natalia said I should write things down in this journal...I think she just wants to use it against me...I must hide it hard. I want to write about my littlest baltic...Latvia._

Latvia frowned. That was all that was written and he looked at the next entry that was a few months later and Latvias eyes widened.

_2-19_

_I found my littlest baltic sleeping...he had just taken a bath and I took the chance to touch him. His skin is so soft...it glows like a sunflower...thats what he is. Мой маленький подсолнечник...I wanted to make him mine there, but he would not feel it...I want him to feel it..._

Latvia slammed the book closed and shoved it under his pillow eyes wide. "What a monster!" He hissed to himself. He closed his eyes and layed against the pillow. He wondered why Russia felt that way about him. Why not feel that way about the others? They were more well 'equipped' than him for the larger Russian. Latvia curled up crying asleep.

**Thanks for reading! Please give me reviews! Im trying my hardest! I love reviews! They make me right! See you next time da~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Warnings: Swearing, Suggestive Material**

**Rating: M**

**I do not own Hetalia!**

**Sorry for the wait everyone, and thank you to everyone for adding this to their alerts and favs!**

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia woke up with a start. His heart beated hard against his chest and he strained to listen in the dark. What was that sound? He wondered slowly sitting up but realised that he couldnt. "Huh?" There was something on his chest holding him down. He opened his eyes to stare into Violet ones shining. Latvia started to scream but a hand clamped over his mouth.

"Hush..." Russia cooed into Latvias ear. "Bastard..." Latvia mumbled. Russia didnt seem to noticed as he slowly stopped pushing Latvia into the bed and he lit a candle. Latvias eyes slwoly grew adjusted to the low light and he froze his eyes going wide at what he saw. Russia was dressed only in a simple pair of pants and his scarf.

Latvia eyed the Russians scarred back. Russia turned around and put the candle on the bedside table. Latvia opened his mouth to ask something but Russia stopped him with a kiss slipping his tongue into Latvias mouth. Latvia tried to push Russia away and push his tongue from his mouth but Russia seemed to enjoy it and he slipped his fingers into Latvias hair.

Lativa screamed as Russia let him go. He stopped when the familer purple araua formed around Russia as he kol'd. Latvia fowned as he saw Russias eyes. They were darker than they were supposed to be. Which ment...Russias other personality had taken over. Sure everyone thought that Russia was just a creepy sadistic man, but it wasnt entirely the truth.

Russia was so mentally damaged that he had more than one personality...one of them that was almost borderline evil. Latvia shook with fear as he was pulled up to Russias face who's breath reeked with Vodka. Latvia shook but didnt fight him knowing he would snap out of it soon. "I know you took my journal da..." Russia breathed into Latvias ear. "Did you like the things I wrote about you?" Latvia shook his head and realized that was a bad idea.

Russia hissed and slammed Latvia into the bed sending the night stand and candle onto the floor. The rug caught fire and spread quickly while the shocked Russia screamed at Latvia and the two other baltics ran into the room and grabbed Russia and Latvia. Latvia grabbed the journal and hid it in his coat as the flames caught the door on fire and the hallway as the four men ran to the front door.

Once outside Latvia stared in horror at the house he had called home for so long being consumed by flames.

_**Russias POV**_

_Stop...dont do this to him. _Russia begged himself. Russia could feel the sadistic feelings coming in before the new darker personality took over. Russia pleaded with himself not to hurt his little sunflower. He watched in horror as his body moved on its own and attacked Latvia in his sleep.

_Raivis...please...I love you..._Russia cried and he saw the room burst into flames. He hardly had time to take over the surprised persoanlity when he was being dragged out by Estonia and he finally snapped back to reality watching his house burn to the ground. His cat pawed at his leg and he frowned. What had he done?

"Raivis..." He said and placed a hand on Latvias shoulder. Latvia jumped in the air then calmed down seeing the look on Russias face. "Im...sorry..." He said letting the smaller man go and he leaned down and picked up his cat and looked at the house as pozharnye (firemen) came and tried to put out the the flames. Luckily they managed to contain it to the one side of the mansion, where the baltics slept and Russias master bedroom was untouched.

They wouldnt let the men back into the house for a few days. Luckily Ukraine let them stay at her house for a while. And Ukraine wanted to talk to her brother about how he handled Latvia. She didnt want to see the small Latvian hurt by Russia.

**Thanks for reading! Please review! See you next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Warnings: Swearing, Angst**

**Rating: M**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, faved and alerted! **

**I do not own Hetalia *sad***

Ukraine had given them refuge in her house. For severel days Russia just moped around sadly while his three servents worked around Ukraines house for a while as best they could. Latvia tried to stay out of Russias way the best he could but he could tell the large man was worried. He would pace his bedroom and mumble under his breath.

Latvia sighed after a long day of helping Ukraine and plopped down on his bed. It wasnt as nice as his bed at home (even though it wasnt that nice there either) but he felt safer that Russias older sister was their to protect him from Russias other side if it showed itself. It had been a week since the accident and the house was almost finished being repaired.

Latvia took the journal out and read another journal entry.

_9-18_

_I wonder what would happen if I told Latvia the truth? Would he push me away? I couldnt handle that...nyet, I must keep these feelings to myself...even if it kills me. Im not the type of man that someone can be loved...I never will be...Sometimes I wonder why бог_ _must insist that I live life so miserable...All I want is the boy to love me...be with me in my bed, curled next to me...I want to tell him how much I need him, how much I love him...I love you Latvia..._

Latvia slammed the book closed and threw it under his pillow. He started to cry gently into his pillow. Russia loved him? How was that even possible? Latvia didnt noticed Ukraine enter his room until she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Latvia jumped and saw it was only Ukraine before she pulled him into a hug. He didnt even care his head was smashed against her large breasts, he just cried his heart out.

"I dont love him!" Latvia defended himself and Ukraine rubbed his back gently. "Shh...its okay...and I dont think you would be crying this much if you didnt love him..." She told him. Latvia sniffed. "He loves you...your all he talks about when I see him. He talks about how you are perfect...everything he wants...your his first love..." She told him and Latvia looked up at her. "His...first?" He asked.

Ukraine nodded. "Oh I mean hes had...lets say certain activities with others but this is the first time he has had his heart stolen..." Latvia snorted. "He doesnt have a heart..." Ukraine smiled. "He does...but only a certain few get to see it...that journal...he spilled his heart out in it..." Latvia looked at her confused. "I saw you push it under your pillow...you know he thinks he lost it...its the only time he can write his love..."

Latvia bit his lip. "Ukraine...can you keep a secret?" Ukraine nodded her head. "I hate-"

"You hate me..." Latvia and Ukraine looked to see Russia standing in the doorway. Latvia could tell it was his other side. "S-sir!" He said jumping up. "You have my journal?" Russia grabbed the journal before tearing it up. "I do everything to show you my love and you dare not return my feelings? Im done! I wish you would just fucking leave my heart alone! Its your fault the house burned!"

Russia stormed out leaving Latvia in tears again. Ukraine looked in shock at Latvia. He was crying badly and he picked up the journal peices. "I-I can fix them..." He sniffed. "I want to know whats in his heart..."He said gently. Ukraine nodded. "I was going to say...I hate this...but I love him." He cried holding the peices of the journal to his chest.

"Im just worried that his hearts been damaged to many times..." Ukraine said before leaving to find her brother who she found drinking vodka and punching the walls.

"Stop..." Ukraine wrapped her arms around her brother who fell into her hug and cried as he changed back into his normal self. "I love him sister...I lvoe him and I know for a fact he hates me! I cant keep on living like this! He has my heart, and yet hes shredding it! I cant stop him!" He sobbed and Ukraine shed a tear for her brother. _Please Latvia...be careful with his heart..._

**Thanks for reading, sorry for the sad chapter, but there will be more angst before the end. See you next time!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Warnings: Belarus :O, Talk of age (really nothing bad)**

**Rating: M**

**Thank you to everyone!**

**I do not own Hetalia!**

**SO I realised how young Latvia is...like 15...so thats his age...and this chapter brings up that point of how young Latvia is...Russias a pedo :O**

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia avoided Russia the rest of the time they were staying there. It was the last day that he had another strange encounter with Russia. Ukraine had given some laundry for Latvia to take to the spare storage room. He was carrying the large bundle that went over his head and he nudged his way into the pitch black room.

Latvia hadnt seen Russia in along time and he had him on his mind all the time...after telling Ukraine that he had some love in his heart for the Russian he couldnt stop thinking about him...

" Chto vy zdes delaete?" Latvia jumped in the air when Russia asked him. "M-Mr. Russia!" He said dropping the laundry. "Can I ask you something Raivis?" Latvia shivered as Russia used his human name. "Yes...Mr Russia." He said gathering the clothing and blankets before placing them on a shelf.

"Am I a monster?" Russia asked. Latvia stared wide eyed. _Yes he is..._ Came a voice in Latvias head. _No hes just misunderstood..._ Came another softer voice. Latvia shook and looked at Russia. He looked like he hadnt slept in a while. "Your..." _Tell him! Hes a freak! He doesnt deserve to hear you lie to him!..._ Latvia shook and ran from the room while Russia stood there.

_**Russias POV**_

"He hates me..." Russia slid down to the ground and wrapped his arms around his legs. He started to softly cry...it wasnt right...nothing was supposed to make Russia cry! He was the largest country and strongest! He hated himself for letting himself lose his heart to the boy.

Russia was about to stand up when he saw his sister watching him. He squeaked and fell back down as Belarus walked towards him. "Why are you crying? Who made you cry?" She hissed pulling a knife out. "I will make them pay for making Vanya cry!" She promised him and he stared in horror as she advanced on him. She noticed he wasnt resisting and she decided this was the best time.

Belarus leaned down, her lips gently brushing her brothers. He suddenly snapped from his trance like state and pushed her away. "Leave me alone!" He screamed and staggered out the door and started running, Belarus hot on his heels chanting, "Marry me Vanya! Marry Me!"

Russia managed to be saved by Ukraine who calmed Belarus down and the girl left without killing anyone. Ukraine smiled. "Vanya..." She smiled and Russia looked up at her with fear in his eyes. "Shes gone...and I brought you something..." Ukrained pulled out a brand new journal. "I want you to right down how you feel about Latvia in here like you did before...but I want to hold onto it so it wont get lost or destroyed by your other side...okay?"

Russia nodded. "You wont look in it will you?" He asked and Ukraine shook her head. "Of course not..." She didnt lie entirely, she wouldnt look at it...unless Latvia let her...she was going to give it to Latvia to read.

Russia frowned then started writing. He finished in a few minutes and gave it to Ukraine who put it in her room for 'safe keeping'. "Now...Vanya...can I discuss something with you?" She asked and Russia nodded. He had hidden his face in his scarf. "Its about Latvia..." Russia froze and looked at her with fear in his eyes. "He hates me..." He whispered and Ukraine sighed.

"I dont think...you have a real idea on how fragile Latvias psyche is..." She sat down next to him. "He physically is only 15..." Russia looked up at her confused. "He...doesnt hate you...hes just scared..." She tried to comfort Russia. He shook his head. "What do you mean?" He asked. Ukraine sighed. Russia could be so thick sometimes...

"Vanya...how old are you?" She asked. Russia thought for a while. "Ive been around for so many years...I dont remember..." Ukraine shook her head. "Nyet...I mean physically." Russia frowned. "I guess around 27..." He said frowning. Ukraine pulled him close. "Over ten year age differance..." Ukraine whispered sadly. Russia looked at her confused. "Why?" He asked and Ukraine sighed.

"Latvia...he is just a boy Russia...how do you think he would react if you just suddenly confessed your love to him? Any young boy would be a little scared if a much older not to mention larger man admitted he loved him..." Ukraine whispered patting her brothers head. Russia looked confused. "What do I do then?" He asked.

"Wait for him to come to you..." Ukraine told him before getting up and started towards the door. "Sister..." Russia looked at the floor. "Yes Vanya?" Ukraine smiled. "Do you think hes scared of me...because hes worried...I'll do certain things to him?" Russia asked worried with wide eyes. Ukraine frowned. "I do believe that Latvia is stilla virgin..." She said before leaving Russia to think about that.

**Thanks for reading! Please comment! I hoped you liked the little talk with Ukraine and Russia! See you next time!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Warnings: Swearing, Yaoi**

**Rating: M**

**I do not own Hetalia!**

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia was glad to be home. His room though was still destroyed so Russia had given his room to Latvia. Latvia tried to protest at first but it wasnt any use as Russia almost pouted. Latvia layed in the bed listening. It was their first night back and Latvia wasnt too sure about being in the same room as the larger Russian.

Latvia closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep as Russia walked into the room. Latvia cracked his eyes a little bit and almost jumped. Russias face was very close to his...Latvia held his breath hoping Russia would back away. But he didnt instead leaning in closer brushing his lips against Latvias.

Latvia had to control himself from attacking the larger man. Russia seemed convinced that Latvia was asleep and backed off before taking off his coat. Latvia opened his eyes some more to watch Russia strip. He almost gasped as Russia removed his shirt and pants. He placed his clothes on a chair before walking over to the large bed and getting in covering himself and Latvia with the blankets.

Latvia gulped as Russia pulled Latvia closer to his chest. He could hear Russias heartbeat and realized it was going as fast as his own. _Is Mr. Russia...scared?_ Latvia wondered letting his mind wander as he listened to the mans heart. Soon Russia was snoring softly and Latvia took the chance to wriggle out of Russias grasp. Unfourtently Russia pulled Latvia back. "Fuck!" Latvia hissed and gave up fighting although emberressed. His knee was up against Russias groin and his face against his chest.

Latvia gulped and gently moved his knee but almost imediatly regretted it. Russia moaned at the feeling and pulled Latvia closer still. Latvia froze and shook. "R-Raivis..." Russia panted and Latvia felt him get hard making Latvia panic more. "M-Mr. Russia!" He whined, but Russia didnt wake up.

Latvia had to endure a whole night of listening to Russia scream his name from his dreams. When Russia was in a deep sleep without dreams Latvia slipped from his arms and ran for his brothers room and cried. They listened in horror at what Latvia heard the night before and they promised that Latvia could stay in one of their rooms the next night.

_**Russias POV**_

Russia looked at the sweaty naked boy as he tried to get closer to Russia. Russia dropped the vodka bottle and embraced Latvia. "Oh...Raivis..." He whispered in the boys ear as he stripped himself. Soon Latvia was on the bed with Russia over him kissing every single peice of skin he could reach of the Latvian.

Latvia rubbed up against Russia making the larger man roll his eyes back in pure pleasure. "Raivis!" He moaned grabbing the boy by the wrists and pushing him back onto the bed. He grabbed Latvias cock and gave it a few quick pumps before sticking his fingers in Latvias mouth who sucked them quickly.

Russia pulled them out and lifted Latvias legs over his hips gently pushing a finger into Latvias entrance. Latvia grabbed a hold of Russias shoulders and panted. "Mr. Russia...please..." Russia silenced him with a kiss and stuck another finger in this time brushing against Latvias sweet spot making him scream. "Ivan!" Latvia screamed and Russia pulled his fingers out much to Latvias dissapointment.

Russia smiled and spit in his hands and slicking his cock up before positining it up against Latvias entrance. Latvia whined but nodded. Russia slowly pushed in with Latvia screaming and digging his fingernails into Russias shoulders. Russia paused for a minute so Latvia could adjust and he nodded. Russia slowly pounded into Latvia before picking up speed and slamming into Latvias prostate.

"I-Ivan..." Latvia moaned as he reached his end. Russia rolled his eyes back, his mouth open a little as he kept slamming into Latvia. The boy came with a loud moan and Russia followed close behind. They collapsed on the bed sweating and panting. "I love you Ivan..." Latvia whispered in Russias ear.

Russia woke up with a start and groaned, his hand in his boxers not realizing that he had finished himself off with the dream. He layed there his own cum making it uncomfortably wet. He slowly got up and staggered to the bathroom to take a shower. Only then after he finished his short shower he realized that he had given his bed to Latvia...and he was missing.

Russia paused and blushed. Did the boy see him? Russia pulled some clothes on and his large coat and stumbled to the door to find Latvia about to open it with a tea tray in his hands. "Mr. Russia?" Latvia asked trying to forget what he had heard and seen the night before.

Russia blushed and pushed past Latvia. He ran to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of vodka. "Fuck..." He said shaking. "Im going out!" He hollered and left before getting in his car and driving off as fast as he could. He didnt want to face Latvia until he was completely drunk...which would take a while.

**Thanks for reading! Please rate and review! See you next time!**


	7. Authors Note

**Due to the fact Fanfiction is taking down all M rated rps, I am going to put up my fanfics online on my tumbler: ghostwriteresfanfics (dot) tumblr (dot) com (no spaces or (dots) just periods you know the drill.**

**I will keep uploading my T rated fanfics here and making more T fanfics that M ones, I just dont want to get kicked off, so sorry for the change...yet again! Please follow me there and please review there!**

**So I will keep uploading here, but if I am deleted or they are, please look at the tumblr! Thank you!  
**


	8. Chapter 7

**Thank you to all my reviewers! This one is kinda angsty...**

**I do not own Hetalia!**

**Warnings: Swearing, Angst**

**Rating: M**

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia looked all over the house for Russia. He grew anxious when he couldn't find the tall man anywhere within the house. Latvia decided to try and find Estonia, perhaps his brother would know where Russia went.

Latvia found Estonia working on some paperwork for Russia. "Uhm...Eduard?" Latvia asked gently poking his head into the room, where he saw his brother look up with a frown.

"What?" He asked looking back down at the papers as Latvia stepped into the room. "Is something the matter?" Estonia asked half heartily.

"Well...do you know where Mister Russia went?" Latvia asked and Estonia nearly fell out his chair. "I mean hes not anywhere in the house...and usually he would tell us if he left...and..." Latvia started to ramble.

"Raivis..." Estonia sighed. "He left earlier, he didnt say where he was going, only thing I know is he had a bottle vodka with him...that wont end well...**(for one of my reviewers).**

Latvia frowned. "By the way Raivis...why are you so concerned about where Mister Russia went?" Estonia asked looking over his glasses at his brother. Latvia shook his head and said goodbye before leaving.

"Raivis...don't get too close to him..." Estonia said when he thought Latvia was out of earshot. Latvia frowned hearing this but didnt say anything walking towards his room.

_**Russias POV**_

_Damn..._Russia kept thinking as he parked the car in a secluded part of the city. He pulled the Vodka bottle to his lips only to find it empty. He threw it to the other side of the car were it fell cracked.

Russia got out of the car and weaved his way to a cheap liquor store. He stepped in the store and bought a few bottles of Vodka before paying the very surprised cashier.

Russia stumbled back to the warmed car and placed his forehead against the steering wheel. He felt tears falling down his face and he wiped them away. _Damn...Fucking Tears..._He hissed and opened one of the Vodka bottles taking a long drink before sighing.

_The stupid brat...why does he do that to me?_ Russia thought sadly gulping the Vodka like water until the bottle was empty. He dropped it on the ground before pulling out the other bottle and opening itbefore downing some of it.

He figured that he could get drunk enough not to face Latvia. Russia groaned...he loved that boy...he knew that...but he didnt think Latvia loved him...no he couldnt love him...not someone like Russia.

Russia felt the splendid unconsciousness wrapping around him. He let the bottle drop to the ground as his eyes rolled back in his skull and he passed out. He thought about Latvia as he passed out.

_**Latvia POV**_

Latvia shivered in the large bed. He was still staying in Russias bed...his brothers didnt want him to, but he couldnt stay away...the sheets smelled like the large Russian...a mix of Vodka, Sunflowers and Snow...Latvia smiled to himself...it was a splendid smell.

Latvia froze when he heard someone come up the stairs talking. He quickly hid under the bed realizing the voices as his two brothers, Estonia and Lithuania.

"Damn...found him passed out in his car in town..he had been drinking. Bastard drank three bottles of Vodka..." Estonia sighed helping the unconscious Russian into the bed with the help of Lithuania.

"Do you think this is because of Latvia?" Lithuania asked, Latvia froze under the bed. Estonia sighed rubbing his eyes with tiredness.

"Yes...It seems Russia has taken a bery strong liking to Raivis...we have to make sure he doesnt hurt Raivis..." Estonia shook his head sadly. "He must not under any circumstances be allowed to be alone with Russia!" Estonia hissed stomping out, Lithunaia on his heels before shutting the door.

Latvia came out from his hiding and looked at Russia. He looked like hell, his hair messy, red around his eyes as if he had been crying...Latvia sat on the bed and looked at Russia before placing a hand on his face.

Latvia frowned. His hand seemed so small next to the Russians face. Latvia bit his lip and dug through Russias pockets until he found what he was looking for. A new journal...Latvia turned to the first page.

_7 - 8_

_проклятие...Today I hollered at Мой подсолнечника...I know now that he doesnt share my feelings...In fact Im sure he sees me as a monster. I am one, if only he knew what I thought of him...he would surely run from me. Am I really just a демон in human skin?_

_7 - 13_

_Look at me, Im horrid...The more I think about it the more I realize that there is no reason for Latvia to be attracted to me...I have scars all over my body...its horrible. No one would want a man like me. My hair is a horrible moppy mess, I wish I was handsome like him..._

_I wonder if theres anything good about me...I am quite aware of everyone making fun of my nose, and my height...perhaps I am not good enough for him?_

Latvia shut the book angerly. "Dammit! How could you say that Russia?" Latvia put the book back and he wiped a few tears away. "Damn! Why? I never said any of those things to you..." Latvia checked to make sure Russia was asleep before letting go.

"I love you...if anything, Im the ugly one...Your amazing...perfect in every way." He clung to Russia crying his heart out. "I love everything about you, your hair...I want to wrap my fingers in it...I love how tall and strong you are, it makes me feel safe...I love your nose, its cute...and your scars...I would kiss every single one for you..." Latvia said wiping his eyes.

"But...Im too scared...Im afraid my brothers will force me away from you, Im worried about Belarus...and Im worried about most is...Im not the best for you...You need someone else as a lover..." Latvia stood up and sniffed. "I love you...muļķis."

Latvia made his way to his brothers room before deciding against it and walking to the living room were he flopped down on the couch with a blanket. He sighed and soon fell asleep. _I love you Ivan..._


	9. Chapter 8

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia rubbed his eyes as he woke up. He was sprawled out on the sofa and his head laying in an odd angle. "Crap..." He swore cracking his neck. He wondered why he was on the couch before realizing what had happened. Suddenly he realized the large coat over his small frame and frowned.

He had a large beige coat over his body and he blushed looking around to find Russia. But the large man was no where to be found and Latvia shook his head and gently slipped from under the coat into the cold house.

He walked to his brother's, Lithuania's room and knocked on the door. Lithuania opened the door and frowned at him. "Where were you? Eduard nearly had a heartattack looking for you, he thought Russia had murdered you before leaving." Latvia shook his head and pushed Lithuania back into the room and closed the door.

"Im fine...Russia wouldnt hurt me..." Latvia said. He sat down on Lithuanias bed and cried. "Do you know how he sees himself?" Latvia asked Lithuania who shook his head and sat next to his brother, putting his arms around his shoulders to comfort him.

"He thinks he doesnt deserve love! He thinks hes a monster!" Latvia cried. "Why? What ever made him think that?" Latvia held onto Lithuania as he sobbed, getting his brothers uniform wet with his tears.

"Why do you even care?" Lithuania asked and Latvia froze before tearing away from him and breathing heavily.

"Please...dont tel Eduard..." Latvia said and Lithuania nodded. "I-I think...no I know...Im in love with Russia..." Latvia whispered and Lithuania gasped grabbing Latvia shaking him a bit.

"Raivis! Are you crazy? This is Russia we are talking about! He will hurt you!" Lithuania cried and Latvia shrugged.

"I don't think he would...Toris...I love him...Ive been in love with him for a while...ever since...I read his journal, I realized what he was truelly like and how he truelly felt. Toris, he needs someone to love him." Latvia explained before stepping away from his brother. "I dont expect you to understand...especially since you already have Eduard." Latvia said his eyes narrowing.

"You want to talk about things that are wrong, he's our brother! You know thats wrong! So dont tell me what to do!" Latvia hollered and stormed out before going to the kitchen finding Estonia cooking.

"Huh? Raivis! Your alright! I thought you ran off or Russia killed you!" Estonia sighed fixing his glasses. "You need to be careful, Russia is acting strange lately...he's right now outside laying in the snow, Im worried if he stays out there any longer he will freeze...or get bad frostbite." Estonia sighed and turned back to the stove. He hardly saw Latvia rushing out to get his coat on.

_**Russias POV**_

_Why wont you let me just die? As it enjoyable for you to watch my heart break over and over? I refuse to live like this anymore! I'll just lay here...until the cold stops my heart. _Russia sighed and closed his eyes feeling the cold creep into his skin. He had removed his coat, shirt, shoes, and gloves off. He just wanted his heart to stop, he had another dream about Latvia...but it was very different than any other.

_Latvia twirled around in his grasp. "What?" He demanded. Russia looked him over, he was dressed in his winter coat and held a suitcase in his hand. "Im leaving! Im fucking tired of this!" Latvia spat in Russias face._

_Russia winced at the words. "Im sorry...Please...is there anything I can do?" He asked grabbing Latvias one hand that was free. "Please stay...I cant live without you!" Russia cried._

_Latvia let out a laugh, its coldness sliced through Russia's already damamged heart. "Then stop living." He said._

_"B-But...I love you..." Russia cried and grabbed Latvia holding him close. He felt something on his back, and hardly had time to respond when he felt a sharp pain in his spine. Latvia...his little Latvia had just stabbed him._

_"Yeah, well I dont love you. I hate you! You disqust me!" Latvia hissed and pulled the knife out before stabbing Russia through the heart. Russia fell to his knees and his tears mixed with his blood as it spilled onto the floor. _

_"Please...Raivis..." He reached out for Latvia but his dream ended with Latvia slicing his throat._

Russia felt tears falling down his face thinking of the dream. "Why Raivis...I would love you so much...I would always care for you...I would make sure you had everything you want..." His fingers and toes were numb and turning blue from the cold. He could already feel his heart slowing...just a little more.

Russia's breathing slowed and he smiled as the darkness came and consumed him. He hardly heard the person speaking to him that had come up to him.

"Ru..a...God!...Ru...a! Stay with me! I love you!" Russia came back around when he heard this. Who in their right mind would love him? He opened his eyes and looked up into Latvias face.

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia stared down at the man he loved, his face was blue, his fingers turning purple from loss of warmth. "Russia! Oh God! Russia! Stay with me! I love you!" He screamed and gasped when Russia looked up into his eyes. "Please oh god...I love you!"

Russia moved his hand and placed a cald hand on Latvias cheek. "You dont have to lie..." Russia sighed and withdrew his hand. Latvia grabbed it and held it to his heart, tears in his eyes.

"Russia...Vanya!" Latvia hollered at him. Russias eyes widedned when Latvia used his name. No one ever called him Vanya except his sisters. "I love you...Ive read your jornal...I love you...please...let me love you." Latvia whispered and leaned forward until their faces were very close.

Russia held his breath as Latvia lowered his lips onto Russias cold ones. Suddenly Russia felt as if his heart was lifted and free. He held Latvias lips to his own as he deepened the kiss. Pulling away they looked at each other and smiled.

"Now...lets get you inside and warmed up." Latvia smiled and helped Russia up out of the snow and into the house, past a startled Estonia and up into the bathroom. Latvia sat Russia next to the large tub and started to fill it with warm water.

Once full Latvia helped Russia out of his clothing, resulting in Latvia blushing as his hands wandered on Russias scarred body. He kept his eyes above Russias midriff, a blush across his face. As soon as Russia settled into the water Latvia straightened up but Russia grabbed his hand. "Stay..." He whispered and Latvia nodded. He settled next to the tub and rubbed circles on Russias chest, singing in Latvian to him until Russias body was warmed up.

Once Russia was warmed up he stumbled out of the tub and dried himself off, as Latvia was turned away. Russia wished he could twirl him around and show him his body, but he knew it would take time...

Russia finished dressing and Latvia led him to his bedroom and helped him into bed. Estonia came up and gave them both a bowl of stew to eat, only giving Russia a dirty look but the large nation ignored him, having eyes only for the small Latvian helping him.

As soon as he finished dinner, Russia fell asleep, his dreams filled with Latvia and his future.

**Please review! The next chapter will be the lasst one, but I am thinking about making a sequel with Latvia having Russias child and stuff, what do you think? The next one will be rated M for a reason, and so will the last chapter.**


	10. Epilogue

Warning! This will be rated M! Dont like smut dont read to the ****** then read after.

_**Latvias POV**_

Latvia folded his hands in his lap and gulped. Russia was finishing up work, and would soon be done...but thats not what worried Latvia...it was the fact that both men had agreed upon tonight being the night that they would finally give themselves to each other.

He tugged at his shirt biting his lip. Would Ivan back out? Even though it had been a week since the night he confessed his love to him...and...Latvia froze Russia rushed into the room locking the door.

"Oh...Raivis..." He blushed. He fiddled with his scarf until Latvia pulled him into a deep kiss. Russia gasped as Latvia led him to the bed and pushed him down, taking off the larger mans coat and scarf, Latvia kissed along his neck. Russia wrapped his arms around Latvia and moaned. "R-Raivis...are you sure?" He asked and Latvia looked at him.

"Do you not want to do this?" He asked worried. Russia shook his head and kissed him.

"Nyet, I want this." He said and Latvia smiled then pushed him away and ran to the bathroom leaving Russia confused. But he stripped anyways and waited on the bed naked and erect.

Russia was about to go find Latvia when the bathroom door open and Latvia stepped out...in a dress? Russia gasped and sat up. Latvia blushed and crawled over Russia, the Russian noticing that he had a condom hanging from his mouth.

Latvia dropped it on Russias lap then kissed Russia. "I really want you Vanya." He purred and Russia groaned. Latvia grabbed his erection and started pumping, Russia moaning and holding onto the bedding before growling and twisting around both of them so Latvia was under him, his dress torn off and him equally naked and aroused as Russia.

Russia kissed him roughly before reaching for the lube in the dresser enar the bed, but Latvia placed his hand on Russias arm. "Nyet Vanya...put the condom on and enter me already." He panted and Russia moaned and kissed him, before opening the package and slipping the condom on with the help of Latvia who blushed.

Russia pushed Latvias legs up and licked his entrance, making sure to get every part wet before sitting up and pulling Latvia above his lap. Latvia realized what Russia wanted and he lowered himself on Russias erection. He gripped Russias shoulders as he grew used to Russias massive length.

As soon as he was adjusted Latvia rose up off Russias erection then back down hard. He repeted the action several times, screaming and monaing all the time, Russia matching his moans with his own and thrusting up in time with Latvia.

It didnt take long for both of them to reach there ends, Latvia cumming all over there chests and Russia not realizing moved to sharply, the condom breaking and he cummed in Latvia gasping. "Oh...Raivis...Im sorry..." He pulled out biting his lip.

Latvia shook his head and kissed him. "No...its okay Vanya..." He smiled and rested his head against Russias and soon fell asleep into a deep sleep, a content smile on his lips. Russia quickly disposed of the torn condom then joined Latvia in the bed sighing. He was glad...

_What was that sound? Russia looked around from his book and opened the door to his and Raivis' bedroom. He was shocked to see Latvia sitting on the bed holding something in his arms and rocking it. Russia walked over and gasped._

_A small baby was in Latvias arms and the man looked up at Russia. "He wants his otets." Latvia said handing the baby to Russia. The baby opened his eyes and looked up at Russia with Russias same violet eyes. "Vanya...its your child...our cild." Latvia smiled kissing Russia_

Russia woke up and looked at Latvia placing a hand on his abdomen. What if? Russia smiled and fell bac asleep. "I want that dream to be real." He said.

_**Thanks for reading! Read the next story which will NOT be Mpreg but they will get a child. It will be called **_**Моя снежинка! See you next story!**


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